Saying Goodbye Too Soon

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Most of the family had said goodbye to Miss Lucy Mae.  But. Tiffany, Drew, Aunt Liz, Auntie Tricia Mae, Papa and myself had one more opportunity.  When I held Lucy Mae for the last time, I thought my heart would explode with sadness.  As Nana, I was supposed to be dreaming, dancing, and laughing with my beloved little granddaughter instead of saying goodbye.  My daughter stood by me with sorrow and strength, with her body recovering from a long labor and delivery, with a heart aching for her baby girl, and with a love so powerful that it could be felt within my own soul. I would do anything to change the story.  Anything.

The Last Time I held Lucy

The Last Time I Held Lucy

Miss Lucy Mae’s little body was fragile but perfect.  I thought about how she started from one cell, invisible to us, yet, present.  When she had grown into 16 cells she would have been big enough to  fit on the top of a pin head. And. At birth in complete perfection, Lucy Mae was made up of about 75 trillion cells with each cell containing 3 trillion different DNA messages, denoting her individuality. Perfect transformation.   Though it was thousands of years ago, the Psalmist captured the transforming miracle in beautiful words:

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb (Psalm 139: 13-15, NLT).

But.  Seemingly too soon, Lucy Mae went through another transformation, leaving her little body, moving into a resurrected body as Christ did, which, one day, will also be ours to experience. The Message gives a description of our heaven-bound transformation:

For instance, we know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents and folded away, they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven—God-made, not handmade—and we’ll never have to relocate our “tents” again. Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what’s coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we’re tired of it! We’ve been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less. (2 Corinthians 5: 1-5, The Message).

God is systematic and orderly in the processes we go through to experience all of life, ultimately found in the vast, immense, dazzling place of heaven where there is fullness of life, love, and light.  We only have to look to Jesus, to view him after resurrection to see what is to come.   We are promised, that our inner being, what makes us be us, will not die but will live through the power of Christ

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11: 25-26, NIV). 

And. I do know with certainty, that Lucy Mae’s inner person, the person she’s always been, changed heaven by entering in, making it brighter through the light God has put in her, living a life which we can only imagine.   So. The name, Lucy Mae, is perfect:

Lucy means “light” or “light-bringer.”

Mae means star.

Lucy Mae has always and will always be a light shining in our lives like a star shining in the darkened skies of the night.  Her mama, Tiffany, has had fascination with light and stars since she was a little girl.  I remember when Tiffany, at age five, kept asking me to go outside after dinner; however, I impatiently declined,  busy cleaning up the kitchen, preparing for our friends to come over for dessert.

The tyranny of the urgent had kept me away from what was most important, which is sharing the gift of time with one another.

But.  True to form, Tiffany used her “skill” of persistance.  So.  I finally gave in and went outside with her.  She insisted that we lay down on the lawn to watch the stars come out. And.  We did.

 We talked about how at least one star is born each day, wondering which star in the heavens above could possibly be the newborn.

I remember that night because I learned the valuable lesson to stop, look, and listen, to experience the moment, to do what’s important not what’s urgent, to be present for one another.  Now, as the stars come out at night, I’m determined to take more time to watch the heavens, remembering our “star of light” is gracing the presence of heaven,  only a thin dimension away.

Yet.  Remembering Lucy is part of the light of heaven is a journey of raw emotions for those of us who are left behind, saying goodbye has been so hard, at times too hard, not because we don’t believe but because we were not ready. There was so much life here on earth we want to experience with her.

Papa's Goodbye Kiss

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The Girls . . . Celebrating Life Together

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I’m not sure how they became known as “the girls,” but Tricia and Tiffany have kept the title.  It’s who they are together.  They are a force to reckon with and a reason to celebrate life.

The Girls

I’ve always loved Tricia’s protectiveness over her little sister; she often wrapped her arm around her, making sure Tiffany was okay.  And. She continues to be protective of Tiffany, wanting all things to work out in the best way for her.  That said, we often tell the story when Tricia, age two, told my dad she loved Tiffany.  Dad stopped what he was doing, saying, “Well, that’s wonderful.”

Tricia responded, “My mommy said I have to love her.”

It’s true.  I told her she had no choice but to love Tiffany after she realized her space was occupied by another human being.  She had been the only child, the only grandchild, and the only niece; it was a little like being royalty,  a position worth defending.  But.  There was more for her to experience . . . a sister  . . . and a decade later, a brother and cousins.

In the end, we all need to learn how to share our space with others, extending our love, and celebrating one another.  It’s an ongoing process.

The Girls By The Fire On A Winter Night (Tricia: 3; Tiffany 1)

Along the way, we found different ways to help the girls to live together, celebrating one another.

We developed the infamous and classic “MY WEEK.”

For one week, one of the girls would be considered a really big deal.  And.  Tim was also given a week when he came along a decade later.  The calendar on the refrigerator highlighted each week of the month with the name of the really big deal of the week, which meant:

  • You have first choice of all the choices to be made.
  • Your accomplishments are featured.
  • You are celebrated.
  • You are a really big deal.

“My week” provided a venue to support, encourage, and celebrate one another. The idea was to help us to make sure each one had their turn at being focused on and celebrated as well as to help prevent one of the girls feeling “less than” the other, reducing jealousy and conflict over who had the first choice to do something.  And.  The Really Big Deal, the Royalty of the Week, knew if she took advantage of the other one that the next week could be miserable as the other sister “one-upped” her. Each of the girls soon realized the next week would be hers to reign, so, they waited for it.

I would like to say they waited patiently; however, I often heard them talk about how they would take over their world when the week belonged to them.

Or they would say:

“I’m sorry . . . did you think I could do that . . . hmmm . . .it is, after all, MY WEEK.”

Though “My WEEK” worked well, there were obviously some pitfalls to the process; however, I routinely spend time with people that either do not feel celebrated or regret they did not celebrate a specific individual.  Either way, a portion of what really matters has been missed. The thing to remember is that God celebrates every individual as a “prized possession.”

Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession (James 1: 17-18, NLT).

Celebration of one another as a prized possession makes a difference in our health and wholeness as a family.

The Girls Dressed Up For Pictures

I look back and see the girls’ world was more about celebration than anything else.  Each day was a gift.  Years ago, when the girls were in their early adult time period, they claimed they misunderstood that true reality did not include a daily party and wondered, if, they should’ve been more prepared for their rude awakening. My reply:

Everyone should be so fortunate.

I say we need to live every day as a party as much and as often as possible!  And, when all is said and done, they need to deal with the fact they have a mom who loves to celebrate.  It’s who I am.  I don’t have much mercy on this issue. It is what it is.

One of my favorite moments with the girls (and Tim) was to greet them as they woke up.  I will admit, as they grew older, the girls became somewhat irritable over my extreme cheerfulness.  Even so, it didn’t deter me.  I would open their curtains with great gusto,  singing as loud as possible–which, for you to know–I don’t sing; however, I felt compelled to sing Psalm 118:24 each morning:

“This is the day the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad!”

And, then, I would take a moment with them, telling them I was glad and grateful to be a part of their day. The point for me, even when they groaned and rolled over, wishing I would go away, was to help them understand the gift of the day and how they were part of it.

I think we take the day for granted all too easily, losing sight of the gift of time, which comes straight from the heart of God.

Of course, the girls enjoyed demonstrating what their morning was like when I came into their room to greet them.  One of them would play the part of mom, which in my perspective was quite exaggerated, and the other would demonstrate the victim of my morning greeting.  I laughed at their staged drama, but would say, “Whatever.  You know you love it. When you’re the parent you  can do it differently and enjoy your children’s response.”

And, promptly after saying it, I felt like  I had become my parents.

The legacy of seeing the gift of the day comes from my parents.  They were big on saying that it mattered how we spent our time, especially when it came to our attitude.  Of couse as a teenager, I smiled and agreed, with a sarcastic “whatever” in my spirit.  I thought I had all the time in the world;  however, I learned how quickly it comes to an end when I began experiencing the pain of family and friends dying seemingly way too soon.

I’ve learned we need more days of celebration with a determination to spend less time focused on the stuff. There’s a  renewal of gratefulness when we celebrate what was, what is, and what will be.  It’s not that we are unaware of the pain and suffering of this world when we celebrate.  But.

Celebration is a recognition that life is a gift even when we experience challenges and hardship.  

Celebration is a great way to focus on what really matters in life . . . doing life together.

The Girls Visited Grandma Palmer's School (Tricia--4; Tiffany--2)--an exciting day for them.

The Girls In Blue Velvet (Tricia-5; Tiffany-3)

Both Tricia and Tiffany live their days in a different manner; however, they both celebrate it as a gift.  No one will argue that they have completely different personalities. I learned from the very beginning, Tricia wanted to know everything about the day, she wanted a plan, detailed each hour on the hour.  What we were doing did not matter as much as how we planned to get it accomplished.  But.  Tiffany was overwhelmed by the list of details for the day.  She wanted to experience one thing at a time and not worry about what came next.

When we took walks, Tricia wanted to know where we were going, how far it would be, how long it would take, and when we would be back.  Tiffany did not want to know anything but that we were going on a walk; she would stop along the way, picking little dandelions out of the cracks of the sidewalks, interested in how something could grow out of the cement, unaware of her sister’s frustration.  Tricia was intent on accomplishing the goal and definitely not interested in the weeds.  Tricia was all about celebrating the victory of doing what she set out to do. Tiffany wanted to throw a little party to celebrate the yellow flower-weeds.

The Girls Waiting For The Party To Begin

I’ve often thought how their differences have balanced us out.  We need to live the day both ways. . . to develop a purposeful plan, to formulate goals, refusing to be distracted by the little things  . . . but we also need to stop and enjoy the moment.  Either way, it’s about celebrating the gift of the day.

The Girls After School . . . yep, they put on their matching puffy bears sweatshirts . . . stylin together

We discovered after many days of tears  that life was easier when they wore the same thing.  Little sister wanted to be like big sister.  I will say, Tricia enjoyed the power of adoration.  There were many occasions Tiffany did her own chores as well as Tricia’s chores.  Why?  Tricia told her to do it. I know. It was unusual.  And. It ran it’s course, ending abruptly.  There was no warning that change would come so quickly.  When Tiffany entered fourth grade, she said, “no” to Tricia.  She had never said it to her.  Tricia had told her to empty the dishwasher.  But.  Tiffany said, “NO.”

You would have thought World War III had broke out.  It was unexpected and wrong as far as Tricia was concerned.  Well, who wouldn’t be upset?

Even so, the change was good for the girls; they both needed to discover who they were, to celebrate their individuality, and to find a way to encourage one another to be who they are created to be.  It’s a process; however, they’ve accomplished it with great love for one another.  I celebrate each time I hear them say to each other, “I love you.”

The Girls Celebrated Tiffany's 30th Birthday!


The Girls And I Eating Ice Cream Cones In One Of My Favorite Spots: Port Townsend, Washington. What is better than eating an ice cream cone together?

A billion little moments with the girls have made life sweet.  The girls give me reason to throw a party each day.  Yes, girls, I said each day.  So.  Celebrate!

More later . . . Kerrie

I Want To Be Like My Dad

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Today is my dad’s birthday. I want to be like my dad.

Dad~George E. Carlisle

One of the many gifts my dad has given me is the love of history.  He has always told me it’s important to learn from history in order to understand more of where we are at and who we are in the present.  The era dad was born in is in some ways reminiscent of what is occurring in our world today.

Dad was born in 1933, the year Franklin Delano Roosevelt was inaugurated as the 32nd president of the United States.  It was a challenging time period, known as the Great Depression, which officially began when Wall Street crashed in October of 1929.  The economy had been in a downward spiral from high consumer debt and out-of-control lending by banks and other lenders with the result of citizens developing an overall lack of confidence in the system.  President Roosevelt did not waste any time in the first 100 days of taking office; he put together the New Deal to help stimulate recovery by producing relief with government jobs for the unemployed, reform for Wall Street and the banks, and made executive orders including a prolonged “bank holiday,” mandated citizens to turn their gold into the Federal Reserve, and declared the U.S. would leave the gold standard.  It worked for a while. But.  The U.S. relapsed into a deep recession a few years later.
There’s definitely similarity between then and now. Why didn’t we learn from what occurred in the past?  It’s worth thinking about.
1933 was also the year when President Roosevelt instituted a way to keep citizens informed through a radio broadcast from the White House, called  ”fireside chat” with the promise to keep the lines of communication open through his friendly-heart-felt chat.  Families would sit around the radio, listening intently to what the president had to say, and would discuss it afterwards.  It not only gave people a glimpse into the world, beyond the economic depression, but a sense of responsibility in it all.
Dad has always felt we should be knowledgable about current events in order to be a part of the solutions this world needs.
Things occurred in 1933, which led to World War II:
German President Paul von Hindenburg asked Adolf Hitler the position of Chancellorship.  Hitler accepted, promising parliamentary democracy; however, he dissolved the German Parliament two days later, and in the following months withdrew Germany from the League of Nations.  President Hindenburg ended free expression of opinion in Germany, limited freedom of the press, and instituted two anti-Jewish laws, disallowing Jews to participate in legal and public service.  And, the first concentration camp, Dachau was completed, which remains in Germany today as a memorial to those who were horribly tortured and killed through escalated hate for the Jews.  At the time, many people in the United States felt separated and safe from what was occurring in the other parts of the world, even though the memory of World War I was still fresh.  But.  They would soon discover that there’s a connection between one another around the world.

Of course, other important things occurred the year dad was born:  The Lone Ranger (Lone Ranger Theme Song) premiered on ABC radio, an all metal Boeing 247 took flight for the first time, and Leó Szilárd came up with the idea of a nuclear chain reaction, all of which would have a huge impact later on the future.  Yes, even the Lone Ranger had an impact . . . entertainment for the masses . . . has certainly shaped who we are and what we do.
The time of life is captured in one of my favorite movies, It’s A Wonderful Life (Check out the clips of the Run on the Bank  and Desperation ). The movie reminds me what dad has always reminded our family:  How we choose to see life is our choice . . . and if, we see it with God . . . then, we will see life is wonderful.

Dad knows all of my history . . . the two of us . . . at my beginning.

The thing is . .  Dad has taught me that regardless of what’s happening . . . I have the choice to respond with honor and integrity, to make a difference in the lives of people, to be a positive change, and to never give up, strategizing how to forge ahead with wisdom and grace.

The Carlisle 6--Dad, Mom, Me, Kevin, Kelly and Shelley--yep--we are in style!

And.  Dad has taught me that nothing is too hard or impossible for those who live their life through Christ.  He has told us and shown us that we are to do everything passionately for God.  A plaque of Colossians 3: 23-24 sits over his desk, underlining his motto of life:

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ ( ESV).

The value of “doing” rather than letting life happen to you has been a major theme when it comes to dad’s talks with me.  I learned there is value in working hard with a great attitude, regardless of the job.  I picked crops, babysat children, shared a paper route with my brother, cleaned my dad’s office building, and worked at a retirement home when I was growing up.  Dad never commiserated with me when I came home complaining, tired and overdone by it all, ready and wanting to quit.

He would look at me intently with his hazel eyes . . . and tell me never to quit when the going was hard . . . to change the situation by my attitude and to keep a good work ethic . . .  and to wait to leave on good terms, only after everything had been done to make the best of the situation.

Of course, my initial response to his advice was not the greatest; it made me mad that dad did not understand.  But.  Throughout the course of my lifetime, I’ve learned that it’s not the job that matters as much as it’s my attitude and how I work.

Working for others as a volunteer is part of the work ethic dad has instilled in our family.  He has encouraged and set up opportunities for each of us to serve others.  In fact, the Salvation Army presented him with the “Others Award,” recognizing his extreme efforts as a “civilian” to serve others.  I still remember dad being so surprised and humbled when he was given the award with a standing ovation from our community.  Dad continues to organize our family to ring the bell for Salvation Army every Christmas; it’s an important part of how we celebrate the season.  We’ve learned that serving others is of prime importance.

Madelyn rang the bell for Salvation Army this last Christmas.

Dad has always been notorious for his short and simple messages.  I received a letter from him in college with my tax return, which I memorized and still remember:

Sign it, seal it, send it~Love, Dad.

I understood what I was to do.  So. I did it.  Dad never has made anything complicated but has always expected us to step up and do our part.   It reminds me of what he said right before we went down the aisle at my wedding:

You will set the tone.  If, you are happy this will be a celebration.  You are directing this night. Celebrate.

I knew he actually was saying, “Don’t cry because it will make me cry.”  But.

As always, his simple message held a life lesson: My attitude does make a difference.

His advice did not change when I became mother of the bride.  I’ve always adhered to his advice.  I’ve learned he is always right.


My wedding day ~with dad

Dad and I at Tricia's wedding

Dancing with dad at Tiffany's wedding

Of course, there have been some epic conflicts, including the “car.”  I had my first nursing job  straight out of college and turned in the blue Mazda family car to my brother Kelly.  Dad and I went car shopping.  I found just the right car ~a brand new red convertible super beetle.  It was and is my dream car.

My dream car.

He told the dealer we needed to think about it. “We?”  My money, my decision.  But. Apparently “we” had to think about.  So.  The car was gone when we came back to make the offer.  The cost to order another super beetle was out of my budget.  I was mad at him for a long time about the process.  But.  He wanted to teach me how to be wise and not purchase something just because I wanted it  I bought a reliable little “gray Dodge Colt” and drove it for twelve years.

Dad taught the rest of my siblings and our kids how to drive, giving them tips on life along the way.  It’s ridiculous how many car stories we all have with dad.  My sister, Shelley, tells the story of riding in the back seat, while dad was trying to teach me to shift the old yellow Toyota at Grandpa and Grandma Jones’ farm.  I ended up in a field of weeds, stalling the car.  The ride home was a series of how-to-drive lectures.  Shelley, then four, got out of the car when we got home and gave it to him:  “You don’t drive all that well yourself!”

The old yellow datsun was finally destroyed by my brother, Kevin, when he wanted to see what would happen when a car was driven at high speed on the top of gravel pit.  It was not drivable, which meant I was without a car to use between work and school.  I ended up with dad’s Mazda and Kevin went back to riding his bike.

Tricia still talks about the time dad “made” her drive over the Oregon mountain roads from Salem to SunRiver  to build her confidence.  Apparently, she did not want to disappoint grandpa; however, Tricia was scared to death the whole way.  The result?  She became a confident and safe driver.  And, while I won’t go into all the details now, Tiffany talks about the hour of silence with dad when he came to rescue her after she sped around a corner and ended up in a muddy ravine on a dark, cold rainy day.  She learned more in his silence than anything he could ever had said.  It was difficult for her to think he might be disappointed.  And.  Talk about difficult, a few weeks after my nephew, Geoff, received his permit, dad had him driving on the freeway.  It put a healthy fear of driving into his teenager’s heart and mind as he white-knuckled the drive on I5.

The thing is . . . whether it’s driving, attending sports, concerts, or just hanging out . . . dad has given all the grandkids an extraordinary amount of time and attention, always making each one feel special.  I know he has given up a lot of other things he could’ve done to be present in all of our lives.

Tricia with dad and mom

Tiffany with dad and mom

Tim with dad and mom

The Grandkids

Dad and Madelyn

Perhaps the best way to describe my dad is telling about what happened when his office burnt to the ground in 1999.  It happened on a Sunday when mom and dad were enroute to coming home from their vacation together.  A man hired to repair the office roof decided to save money by tarring it by himself.  He dropped his propane torch through the roof causing a five-alarm fire. When I called dad while watching his business burn, I tried to explain the seriousness of it all.  Dad remained completely calm as I told him and responded, “We’ll come as soon as we finish lunch.”
“Really?  You’re going to finish lunch?”
I called my brother Kelly, who went to the restaurant to explain the urgency.  Apparently dad and mom understood the office was in flames, but also knew there was nothing to do but to be calm, trust God, and finish lunch.  After all, the lunch was part of the planned ending of their vacation.

Still.  Are you kidding me?

Dad was incredibly calm when he arrived at the scene as the firefighters worked to put the fire out and again when he walked through the remains and picked up his melted coffee mug off his melted desk, which had become one with the floor.  They were able to salvage some records; however, much of his life’s work was destroyed.  My dad worked with his firm, helped to find a new place, and spent an incredible amount of hours to restore his business.

And, everyone saw what I’ve always seen: My dad is a man with honor and integrity with an attitude like Christ.

Dad and the family

Dad continues to love all the new members of our family . . . showing us an incredible example of what it means to live . . .  always at work with the attitude of Christ.

Drew, Madelyn, and baby due in July are the newest members.

I want to be like my dad.

Happy Birthday!  I love you dad!
More later . . . Kerrie


Also see: http://kickstartyourdaywithgod.com/ 

(written by Kerrie Carlisle Palmer © 2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)



Inspired . . . part of our story.

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While Madelyn and I were looking at pictures of “Uncle Timmy,” she repeatedly told me, “I was a baby in China.”  So.  We found pictures the orphanage sent during her first fourteen months of life.  It opened up an opportunity to talk about how wonderful she is now, an almost three-year-old, and how wonderful she was as a baby.

All of us need to hear we’re a wonderful-inspired-gift of God, regardless of our age.

Madelyn in China . . . in the orphanage . . . where she lived with great kids and care providers.

And.  Somehow she understood, at least a little, about something I’ve told her before:  ”Uncle Timmy was a baby in Korea.”

First picture of Tim in South Korea's Seoul City Hospital

Of course she had to announce it to him right away.  So.  She did.

Uncle Timmy and Madelyn

I’m excited for the day that Miss Madelyn understands adoption is not about good luck or chance, but inspired of God.  Madelyn will discover who she is step by step, a journey that takes a lifetime. After all, life is an ongoing-ever-changing story, which God has purposefully put into action.  In the end, each day is one more part of who we are.

But. I’m getting ahead of myself, this part of the story is a pivotal piece of our history.

When we tell stories from our family history, our children are more connected and grounded, able to see how our life together in the past, present, and future is inspired by God.

So. The story of adoption in our family began when I was five.

I know, it doesn’t make sense, but I wanted to adopt when I was just five-years-old. And not only that, I wanted to adopt a child from Korea. Seriously. Who would think someone that young could know? But.

God inspires us in many different ways.

One thing I can tell you, is that I grew up in an era when no one talked about adoption. For some reason, it was a hidden story for many families. And. International adoption had just become a reality. Few people had a global mindset. During those days in La Grande, Oregon our neighbors were considered to be those who lived across the street or around the corner, not across the sea or around the world.

The only explanation that my parents have . . . is God inspired me to adopt . . . nobody else had talked to me about it. One thing for sure, we need to take kids seriously, listening to their hearts, encouraging them to do what God has purposed for them to do.

God put the desire to adopt in my heart at age 5

The thing is . . . the Spirit of God inspires us with hopes and desires . . . and when we say yes to His inspiration,  we are promised God will give it to us:

Take delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4, TNIV).

The inspiration of God to adopt was not just for me, but for Gregg and our whole family.  

Gregg had never thought about or talked about adoption until he met me.  And, I’m not going to lie, it was one of the things that he realized could be a deal breaker.  I was impassioned and connected to adoption; however, God showed me this inspiration needed to become Gregg’s too.  I’m not sure what would have happened, if, Gregg had not received the same call on his life.  I needed to have patience, waiting for Gregg to hear from God.  Patience has never been my best friend, which meant I had to willfully and intentionally be patient while Gregg came to the place of deep desire and passion to adopt.

God never disappoints.

Gregg and Tim

There’s no mistake– God called Gregg to be Tim’s father, an important part of our history and future–a part of the plan for our whole family.

God is God, inspiring us to live purposefully.

Tricia, Tiffany, and Tim

The girls, Tricia and Tiffany, never thought we would not adopt.  It was always a part of our family conversation and prayers.   I found tablet pages with their lists and plans for adoption in every corner of the house.  To this day, they both are list makers.  We included them in the process, from filling out the first papers sent to Holt International to the moment Tim came home.  There’s nothing better than a whole family being able to experience the inspiration of God together.  It’s a part of our identity.

God continues to do more than can be imagined from the inspired desires he puts in our heart.

Obviously, my five-year-old perspective of the future could not have anticipated what led to Tim coming home.  And, I could never have imagined all the days we have had together since that day. But.  I will tell you the first time I held Tim, the moment I had prayed about, believed would happen, and waited for many years to occur, is still one of the greatest moments of my life.   It was as if heaven and earth collided when God gave me the desire of my heart.

The first time I held Tim was one of the most amazing, God-inspired moments of my life.

As Madelyn learns more about this part of our story, I want her to know we have a choice to let the Spirit to be at work within us, leading and guiding us to experience God’s inspired purpose.  I am grateful for knowing what it means to be entrusted with living in the power and force of supernatural inspiration on a journey that goes quickly.

There’s always more to the story when God inspires the heart.

Adoption: The Inspiration of God

More later . . . Kerrie

Also see: http://kickstartyourdaywithgod.com/ 

(written by Kerrie Carlisle Palmer © 2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)

Finding Our Way

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Madelyn's homecoming day . . . finding our way together.

I’ve been re-reading Tricia’s words describing the  first twenty-four hours of life with Madelyn.  I’m changed and challenged, as I look back and see how this short segment of time propelled Tricia, Troy, and Madelyn into a new beginning.  I’m caught in the memory of the first moment I held Tricia, feeling inadequate and ecstatic all at the same time.  I’m humbled by the thought of my daughter loving her daughter.  I’m in awe that Tricia and Troy are the ones chosen to help Madelyn find her way, not only from the grief of leaving everything she had known, but through all of life.

It’s one of the greatest tasks a parent has . . . the task to help our children to find their way . . . even when the way seems uncertain and downright difficult.

The thing is . . . we’re often at a loss to know how to help our children find their way . . . when we’re continually discovering our own way.  While Tricia and Troy were ready, they could not stop and process the way to begin with Madelyn. They had to trust, even when they weren’t sure how to do to it.

God's Plan For Madelyn, Tricia, and Troy Is A Miracle

And.

The rest of us needed to cheer them on, believing the details of their new life would come together for good along the way.  It’s what we do when faith and family collide.

But.

It’s important to remember finding our way is a process.

In those first few hours and days, baby-Madelyn could not have possibly understood Tricia and Troy were her parents.  In her limited perception, they were strangers who did not speak the same language, act, or look like anyone from her place in the world.  I’m sure she missed her orphanage family and the way she had lived. Sadness, loneliness, and fear had to have gripped her when life changed.  There was no way for her to comprehend the plans God had for her, which included parents and a family with a bunch of love.  She would have to be shown the way.

It's A Day by Day Process

In the hard places of life, when everything seems to be falling apart, when there seems to be no way through any of it, when it all feels hopeless, it’s incomprehensible that God is loving us and has something good planned. Eventually, we will collapse under the pressure of it all, if, we don’t turn towards God.   So.  My go-to word from God, Jeremiah 29:11, while often misused by many,  is a supernatural, powerful, guiding truth:

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (NLT).

The words of Jeremiah need to be sifted and sorted, placed at the center of each day.

I know the plans.

There’s not just a plan and purpose for life, but supernatural God-designed plans.  So.  When I only see the messiness of life, I need to readjust my view, remembering with God there’s always something more.   I’ve reminded my kids and many people:  ”God’s got this. It’s under divine control.”   When I’m worried, anxious, or stressed,  I’ve lost the momentum to convince anyone, including myself, that the plans of God supersede the power and pressures of any and all circumstances. When you get down to it, everyone, including our kids, learn more from our response to God than any other format of teaching faith.

Over the course of several years, I’ve learned I need to stop, to take a breath, and step into a place of quietness to recognize God’s presence,  to recommit  myself to believing God will make a way, and then to intentionally walk in the truth of it.   Once I’ve focused on God’s plans rather than on the stuff, I’ve positioned myself to live in the realm of belief that God knows the plans and will make a way to bring it all together.  Then, I can whisper in their ear and shout it from the roof tops: “It will be okay.”

Funny, but two-year old Madelyn has already picked up on this life truth and often, when something breaks or doesn’t go the way it’s planned, will  say, “It’s okay.”  Because in the way she has been shown, it ends up being okay.

The simple words, “it will be okay,” help to turn us away from thinking it’s all going to end up in disaster to the belief God has good plans.

It's Okay

Plans for good and not for disaster. 

No one wants disaster, but media thrives on it, the powerful gain more power from it, and history reports on it.  There are times when disaster just makes sense.  But.  God has something more, which is always good.  James 1:17 confirms it:

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows (NIV).

I’m encouraged that good has come from the sadness of one family in China, letting go of their precious daughter, and an orphanage staff who willingly loved and cared for a little girl, knowing she would not stay.  Our faith is strengthened when we tell the story of how God works good out of our pain.

The Perfect Good Gift

And.

There’s more to come.

. . . To give you a future and a hope.

God produces beginnings and new life.  He never leaves us in a dead-end circumstance but moves us forward, filling us with the presence of Life.  I like how the Apostle Paul explains the way to go forward:

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14, ESV).
Paul lays out the way to trust God for a future, living in hope:
1.  Forget what lies behind.
~The past creeps up on us, gripping our thoughts and emotions, if, we allow it to have power over us.  It requires some work on our part, usually with the need to focus on forgiveness, which in the original language in the New Testament means to let go.  To forget the things we hold on to from the past and to move away from its power, we need to receive the forgiveness of God, which enables us to forgive others and ourselves for what was done. In other words, to find our way, we must let go of the past, knowing there’s something good ahead, regardless of how difficult and painful the past has been, believing life will be okay and even good through God’s plans.
I don’t know what things Madelyn will need to let go of from her past, but she will have a list. And, it’s the job of the family to show her over and over how to let go . . . of the big things as well as little things.  By the way, from experience in my own life and listening to people that have come through my office, the little things take a toll on us when we do not immediately let the stuff go.  I’ve learned forgiveness is part of our daily walk and mandatory to go in the direction God has planned for us.
Forgiveness is to be practiced over and over again with our family, asking for power and grace from God to forgive, believing it will be okay because of the supernatural plans for the future.  So. Instead of bringing up the wrongs of the past, we cheer one another on for what is ahead.  It is a necessary value in any and all healthy relationships.
My mother is a magnum cheerleader.  It doesn’t seem to matter what has happened in my past, she has always believed there’s something better around the corner.  All through my life, she’s demonstrated immediate forgiveness.  I will admit, that there’s been times along the way, I have been frustrated or down-right mad at her for not understanding the seriousness of what had happened, wanting her to hold on to the stuff with me, commiserating how hard someone or something has made life for me.  But.  Now, I see the value.   When I let go of anything and everything, I’m liberated from the stuff, freed to experience the power of God’s plans.  And.  She has taught me that regardless of where we are at in life, starting out or finishing up, we are needed by others to be a cheerleader to help encourage them to let go, to be free to experience God’s way.

With my mom and madelyn . . . cheering each other on . . . as we find our way.

2. Strain forward to what lies ahead. 
~The word, strain, depicts a strong action, an extreme work-out–requiring all of our exertion and energy–focusing on getting it done.  To go this way, is usually not comfortable but always rewarding.  It’s part of the requirement to finish our life strong.
One of my most favorite times with Madelyn occurred in the late summer of 2011.  Madelyn wanted to use our little blow-up pool to take a “swim” in.  But.  I did not know where the air pump was at.  So. I started to blow the air into the pool on my own.  Seriously, it’s designed to be used with a pump, which made it challenging for me.
I’m pretty sure I would have quit except for Madelyn’s repeated two-year-old cheer, “You can do it Nana . . . you can do it!”  I kept on blowing air into the pool with all of my strength, wanting to give her the delight of a summer afternoon swim in the back yard.
Encouragement gives courage to go the way of getting it done, completing our purpose, fulfilling the plan, even if it’s as simple  as giving a little girl the opportunity to swim in a blow-up pool.

Afternoon "swim"

3.  Press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call.
Pressing on requires active strength.  A favorite story of pressing on, is when we were getting Tricia ready to leave for college.  I knew it would change our family, nothing would ever be the same with one of our children leaving us.  So.  I’m not sure what possessed me, I had never done it before, but I ironed all of Tricia’s clothing–including underwear.  Yeah.  It was a moment.  I hardly ever iron nor do I want to.  But.  I grieved her leaving.  And, ever-clumsy, I dropped the iron on the nylon cream carpet, which immediately left an impression of the shape of the iron on the floor.  It remained there to the day we moved, pressed into the fibers.
I looked at the impression every day of the first year Tricia was gone, gathering all my strength and fortitude to not get stuck in the desire to go back to what was, but to trust God for what would be in our new phase of life.  The point of the story, is to press on, pushing forward with force to the point it makes a mark along the way.  There are many adults and kids, that lack the desire to press on, they’ve been taught to take the easy, less resistant way.  But.  In the end, they don’t experience all God has planned for them.
To live in faith as a family, we press on because we have an upward call.  And.  When things change on the way, we trust God’s plans.
I never dreamed that part of letting go of Tricia’s childhood, pressing on towards what more God had for us, would bring a beautiful little girl named Madelyn into our lives.

Pressing on . . . looking forward to what's next

Yes, we are confident God knows the plans and provides a way for all of the details to work out as we find our way together.
More later . . . Kerrie

On the way.

Also see: http://kickstartyourdaywithgod.com/ 

(written by Kerrie Carlisle Palmer © 2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)

The Gift Of One Another

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With my sister, Shelley, on a planned get-away.The Gift

My sister, “seester,” is twelve years younger than I am.  Even though she was starting school when I left for college, even though I live in Oregon and she lives over 1,000 miles away in Southern California, and, even though our daily life is much different from one another, we are deeply committed and connected to one another.   It’s not easy.   Distance, whether it’s physical, emotional, or spiritual, is difficult and often destructive in all kinds of relationships.  I’ve come to realize to bridge the gap of distance we need to be intentional in how we relate to one another in words and actions through the gift of love.

Words

Words are either of life or death.  When we speak life into one another, focused on the greatest outcome, intentionally using good and kind words, we are giving the best of the best to each other.  And.  The thing most powerful when we speak to one another. . . is truth . . . with the belief that truth matters.  Truth is not always easy to give or receive; however, we will not be healthy without it.

We’ve learned when we hide the truth, being less than honest because it seems easier not to face it, that we will  demean and maybe even destroy our relationship.

Truth is so important that Jesus identified himself as truth.

Jesus answered, ”I am the way, and the truth, and the life.”  (John 14:6a, NCV).

Part of speaking the truth, is speaking from a big picture perspective, a place where we keep the end in mind, believing God has a purpose for one another, encouraging the other to go beyond the stuff  of life, to stay true to the Truth.

Shelley was a primary encourager to myself and my family when I went back to school to get my Masters of Divinity. She called me several times a week, speaking words of life, telling me I could do it when I did not think I could.

I’ve also learned how important it’s for us to be present for one another, a gift that requires some doing on our part, whether it’s someone we live with or someone that lives far away.   My sister and I have made the commitment to see each other as well as to talk as often as possible.  We need to actively love one another.  So many times we look for something to make our life matter, when all the time what matters is loving one another.   I can tell you that a whole bunch of people I have met do not feel love.

Active Love

When you get down to it, the greatest gift to give one another is active love. Jesus said:

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples” (John: 13: 34-35, NLT).

And . . . wow . . . when we actively love one another as Christ loves us . . . the whole world sees we are following Christ.  I’ve seen it–in my sister’s life. There just can’t be anything better.

I counsel many people who find themselves separated from those they love because they have allowed everything, and anything, to distract them from what’s really important.  But.  The people who have taught me the most about this lesson, are those in their last few hours of life, the ones who have deep regret for not paying attention to what was most important, distracted by things that in the end did not matter.

Finishing With One Another

I want to finish my life with others knowing how important they were to me through love, just like my sister, Shelley, has done in my life.

In the last few months of 2011, I was told more than once, that I had a high risk of dying on any given day.  And, you know what I thought about?   The gift of one another . . . which, comes with the opportunity to intentionally speak and act in love.  And, this, my friends and family, is truly what life is about.

Before the day ends, I want to speak life with words of truth, to make sure others know they are important to me, and above all, I want to make sure they know I love them with a love that will not die.  It changes the world.

More later . . . Kerrie

My seester and family made one of the most important days of my life, ordination (May 2009), memorable because they were present with love: Nancy (sister-in-law), Tiffany, Tricia, Me, Shelley, Brianna (niece), and Natalie (niece).

Also see: http://kickstartyourdaywithgod.com/ 

(written by Kerrie Carlisle Palmer © 2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)


Family

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This blog came out of inspiration from a card which Drew bought, catching my attention, reminding me of the love which remains in the midst of the craziness, messiness, and busyness of a family.  So.  Two became five and then nine:

Gregg & Kerrie

Then, we added:

Tricia, Tiffany, & Timothy

And, the girls added:

Tricia: Troy, & Madelyn

Tiffany: Drew, & Lucy Mae, now in heaven

For now, it’s nine of us . . . Gregg, Kerrie, Tricia, Troy, Madelyn, Tiffany, Drew, baby, and Timothy.

It all looks good on print.  But.  There have been heartaches and hardships as well as victories and celebrations. It’s what faith, family, and creativity is all about.

More later . . . Kerrie